I was teaching 8th grade at the time, and there were three Sheila's in my class, so I had settled on some combination of last initials, but one of the Sheila's approached me and said, "Could you just call me Andrea?' And I kept a straight face even though she pronounced it "Ahn-DRAY-ah." Because it was clearly a name she had always wanted to be called, and so that was what I called her.
It's not that hard.
I would start the year by reading off the attendance list the office computer spit out, telling students that if I butchered the pronunciation to correct me, and always reading it first name first, not last name first (because take a look at my name and just guess what elementary and middle school years were like for me), and also telling them "If you're given name is Alphonse but you prefer to go by Puddles just tell me." And every year I had several of those, either because of family nick name or personal preference. "Francis" wants to be "Butch." Or "Philomena" wants to be "Bebe." "Elizabeth" won the name lottery and gets her choice of forty-seven different nick names. My own niece and nephew both go by their middle name instead of their first. Whatever it is they want to be called, you ask, find out, and then call them that.
It's not that hard.
I was a yearbook advisor for umpty-odd years (there is no spelling of any name given to a human being that can surprise me any more). Seniors were responsible for selecting and submitting their photo. They would pick the photo they wanted, and attach the name they wanted to go with it. Barring anything obscene or inappropriate (no Nazi t-shirts, please), we would run the picture and the name they submitted.
It's not that hard.
Even my rural-ish conservative-area high school triple checked with seniors to confirm what name they wanted announced as they walked across the stage to collect their diploma. Then, at graduation, we announced that name.
It's not that hard.
I am baffled by teachers who get in a giant tizzy over a refusal to call the student by their preferred name. We already do it all the time. I have yet to come across a teacher who adamantly declared, "Your given name is 'Aloysius' so that's exactly what I'm going to call you" or "Sorry, your full name is William, so I refuse to call you Bill."
One of the basic building blocks of a functional and effective classroom is respect, and there is huge disrespect-- massive, planet-sized, deserves-its-own-zip-code disrespect-- in telling a student, "No, I will tell you who you are, and you get no say in it."
Lord knows, all those years ago, I had thoughts about Sheila's desire to be Andrea, but the most important thought I had was that it was none of my business and if she wanted to be called Sir Hiram Patronomicus III then I'd do so. It's not that hard.
And if your response to all this is that it's different, somehow, when a student who was one gender wants to be identified by a name that suggests a different gender, you're going to have to explain it to me slowly, because I'll be damned if I can see how.
They tell you what their name is. You call them by that name.
It's not that hard.
I had a 7th grade student once, a shy girl whose given name was Priscilla but whose dress and hair style were the farthest thing you could get from a Priscilla. She waited until a few weeks in to the year before shyly asking if I could call her “Zay” (as a name, not a pronoun). I said “sure,” and her entire face lit up and her demeanor completely changed. I called her that the rest of the year and it always seemed to make her happy. I found out later some other teachers had refused to do this which Is why she was so happy when I said yes. Seriously, it’s such a small thing that makes an enormous difference in a student’s self-confidence and self-worth (ditto with pronouncing names correctly).
ReplyDeleteLove this post and agree 100%. I wanted to mention that "Ahn-DRAY-ah" is the normal pronunciation of "Andrea" in Spanish. And a student from a Spanish-speaking family named "Sheila Andrea" would likely go by Andrea. No idea if either of those applies, but they came to mind when reading the post.
ReplyDeleteAt least one of my community colleges I teach at has a simple process for students to change their name on the computer roster to their preferred one.
ReplyDeleteI recommended it to one of my international students who wanted to use an American-ish name, and by the next class, it was changed in the system.
Our Dean refused to call a student a gender opposing name. As a precaution, I made a note and privately asked the student if I should use the new name with the parents. Often times the students were afraid to let their parents know. Such a shame.
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